Family Services

Parent Coaching and its benefits

Family Supervision and costings

Divorce/Separation advice and tips

About supervised access

List of additional reading material

Parent Coaching

Parent coaching allows parents to create their own best solutions to their family situations.
It is a process that assists parents over the hurdles of parenthood by teaching them how to comfortably handle most parenting issues.
It will introduce you to new ways of thinking about yourself and your family relationships in a non-judgmental, non-critical, confidential way and it will help you find your own answers.
As parenting coaches we work with parents to help them become the parent they want to be. Many factors can get in the way of us being effective, wise and loving parents.  The challenges parents face today are often very different from a generation or two ago. Often our anger is out of control and relates to issues that are linked to our own childhood and actually have nothing to do with our children, yet too often they become our target. Often we're unfulfilled in our significant relationships and are dealing with unmet needs, abuse, an absent partner, or an uneven distribution of labour. Often despite feeling grateful for our children, our partners, our families and friends, we have a sense that something is missing from our lives. Trying to deal with any one of these factors prevents us from being the parents we really want to be.
We offer parents the freedom to choose their own solutions and allow you to parent according to your own values but challenge you when you don’t.
Founded on principles of co-operation, responsibility and consistency, coaching offers parents a set of tools to be more effective in their parenting and provides them with practical coping skills, while working towards their long-term vision of a healthy family.
We are passionate about parenting and about helping you to be the best you can be and will enthusiastically champion and encourage you every step of the way.

If a child lives with criticism,
he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame,
he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance,
he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
he learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness,
he learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance, and friendship,
he learns to find love in the world.
Author unknown

     Benefits of Parent Coaching:

• Parenting anxieties and insecurities are overcome therefore stress is reduced.

• Anger and frustration levels are better managed.

• Parenting values and beliefs are brought into focus.

• Parenting becomes easier and more rewarding.

• Less reactive and more proactive parenting.

• Greater confidence in parenting abilities.

• More control with difficult situations.

• More effective communication skills

• Sound coping strategies for problem solving.

• Greater enjoyment of life for the whole family.

Family Supervision

See Change Practice offer a number of services to meet the various needs of clients and the Courts.

High Level Supervision:  On-site visitation conducted by trained staff where the monitor is physically in the room at all times, seeing and hearing everything that occurs.

Medium Level Supervision:  On-site visitation conducted by trained staff where the monitor observes the visit while sitting in an adjacent reception room.  For families that do not require a high level of supervision this type of observation is less intrusive.

Off-Site Supervision:  This is a low level of supervision that often takes place at a parent’s home or in a child-friendly place in the community.  The supervisor may not be able to observe or hear everything that occurs during the visit. 

Reunification Supervision:  Sessions that combine on-site and off-site contact in cases where a child is being introduced to a parent/family member for the first time or has not had contact with a parent/family member for a significant period of time, perhaps years.

Telephone Supervision:  Sessions that take place with the use of a speaker phone and the observing monitor in the room.

Supervised Exchanges: Allows for stress-free exchange of the child(ren) without the need for parents to come into contact with one another.

 Parent Coaching: Sessions that combine supervised visitations with active feedback from a monitor specifically trained to provide this type of supervision.  (Please note that this is not Therapeutic Supervision.)

Cost Structure:

Please note:
Unless specific fee arrangements are noted in a court order, the visiting parent will be responsible for all visit fees. 
Each party is responsible for their own intake fee.

Separation/Divorce can be difficult and painful, but separation/divorce in itself does not damage children. How you handle your separation/divorce, can.

Help for separating parents

This is a worrying time for you as well as for your children. Here are some guidelines to help you help your children while you are facing separation or divorce.

What should I tell my children about their parents separating?

Four golden rules:

1. It is not their fault

Many children believe it is their fault you are splitting up. Tell them it is not their fault, and keep telling them. This is particularly important with younger children who live in a world that is part reality and part fantasy. It is easy for young children to believe that the breakup is their fault and that they can stop it be wishing hard enough.

2. Tell them what is happening

Children need to know what is happening and how they will be affected by your separation. Relationship breakdown is hard on everyone in the family. The difference with children is they have no power over what is going on. They need to know what is happening in their family. Children need to hear age-appropriate reasons for your separation/divorce. This includes specific details about the time they will be spending with those they love – both of you, their grandparents, babysitters and even a pet. They do not need to hear about your anger or your blame. Children need to know that both their parents love them and will continue to care for them.

3. Listen to your children

One of the greatest problems for children when their parents split up is accepting a situation and new arrangements they feel they have no say in. Children want to be consulted about decisions affecting them and they want to be listened to. Be prepared for various forms of the question “why?” Simply acknowledging young children’s sadness, anger, frustration or whatever they feel can go a long way towards helping them accept the many changes in their lives. However they do not want to have the ultimate responsibility for decision making. Children understand fairness and the difference between giving input and making decisions. Some children may not want to be included in your decision making.

Children need the chance to ask questions and talk about their feelings but they may not always be ready to talk about them when you are. Give them many opportunities for talks with you. Ask children for input when you are not sure how to handle a situation. You don’t have to act on their suggestions but it may provide some insights. But don’t ask. “Where do you want to live with?”

4. Don’t fight in front of them

 Children are most distressed when the fight is about them. Fighting in front of the children, or saying hurtful things about the partner you are splitting up from, hurts them. When you put each other down you put your children down as well. Remember your conflict can by very damaging to your children. Children do not want to take side.

More tips for helping your children cope

If your child is visibly distressed you can help them by assuring them it's OK to cry.  Crying is not a sign of weakness for a child – or a parent. Leaving or being left by someone you love hurts and crying is an honest and natural reaction to feeling sad. Sometimes a child will want to talk as well as cry. At other times they may simply want to cry. Let them know it is OK to feel sad and say if you feel sad too.

Be careful about sharing your money worries with your child. Children can interpret “We have no money” literally. This is different from saying “We can’t afford this right now”.

Children do not need to be privy to all discussions between parents especially those regarding financial matters. Don’t ask intrusive questions about their other parent, or ask them to hide information. Avoid asking the children to carry messages to your former partner, or to ask them to act as a spy or mediator.

Continuing conflict between separated parents is likely to damage children much more than the separation itself. Never let the other parent’s negative attitude or behaviour get in the way of letting your children know how much you love them. Be consistent, be there for them and time will work in your favour.

Knowing that parents no longer love each other is painful for a child. But children have the right to love each parent regardless of what has transpired between their parents (as long as it is safe). Be sure children know they don’t have to choose between parents and that both parents will always love them.

Don’t make promises you know you can’t keep, or make your child feel bad about showing affection and concern for their other parent. Children need to be able to love and admire both parents. When one parent is constantly put down by the other, regardless of how valid the criticism may be, the child – who is part of the criticized parent – feels put down as well.

Try to remember the good parts of the relationship with your former partner and to share them with your children. These may no longer be available to you, but in all probability they are still available to you children.

Don't feel you have to overcompensate for the loss your children have suffered by giving them expensive presents or outings. The best thing you can give them is your time and yourself.

Frequent and consistent parenting arrangements work best for children by giving them a routine they can count on. Similar parenting styles and household rules are helpful but not critical to children’s adjustment to separate homes.

Building a relationship and a history with each parent is important in the life of a child. The only way to achieve this is to allow children to spend significant time with each parent. Every family’s parenting plan needs to be based on this although no two families will ever do it in exactly the same way.

Parenting plans, like clothes, will be outgrown from year to year and need to be “altered to fit”.

A child’s list of wants

What I need from my mum and dad:

• I need both of you to stay involved in my life. Please write letters, make phone calls, and ask me lots of questions. When you don’t stay involved, I feel like I’m not important and that you don’t really love me.

• Please stop fighting and work hard to get along with each other. Try to agree on matters related to me. When you fight about me, I think that I did something wrong and I feel guilty.

• I want to love you both and enjoy the time that I spend with each of you. Please support me and the time that I spend with each of you. If you act jealous or upset, I feel like I need to take sides and love one parent more than the other.

• Please communicate directly with my other parent so that I don’t have to carry messages back and forth.

• When talking about my other parent, please say only nice things, or don’t say anything at all. When you say mean, unkind things about my other parent, I feel like you are expecting me to take your side.

• Please remember that I want both of you to be a part of my life. I count on my mum and dad to raise me, to teach me what is important, and to help me when I have problems.

About Supervised Access

What is Supervised Access?

When parents separate, access visits with children may be a problem. Supervised access is designed to maintain the contact between a child and a parent when there are concerns for the emotional or physical well-being of a child. The access time occurs in the presence of a qualified person who is responsible for observing the interaction of the parent and child and ensures the safety of those involved.

Most families who participate in supervised access have been ordered by the Court to do so. Typically, the Courts will order supervised access based on issues of protection and safety.

Supervised access is designed to maintain the contact between a child and parent during the Court process and the time when a parent is working on identified issues. A Court may also order supervised access when contact is being reestablished after a prolonged absence; allowing both child and parent/grandparent/relative to become reacquainted in an environment that is comfortable for the child.

How often can a parent visit with their child?

The Court’s order will specify how often a parent can visit with a child.

How can Supervised Access help?

Supervised access provides a safe setting that allows children to develop or renew a healthy relationship with the visiting parent. It can reduce conflict, and make sure that no one will be hurt or unfairly blamed for trying to do harm. It can offer an opportunity to strengthen good parenting skills.
It provides time for trust to develop between parents and children. During long Court processes, it can allow for continued contact between parents and children.

The procedures and ground rules from the initial intake to the final visit are designed to support every family member and reduce risk.

What are the Objectives of Supervised Access?

• To provide a safe, neutral and child-focused setting for visits between a child and non-custodial parent or other family member.

• To ensure the safety of all participants, including staff.

• To provide trained staff who are sensitive to the needs of the child.

• To provide reports of factual observations about the participants’ use of the service.

 What are the benefits?

For the Child:  It allows the child to maintain a relationship with both parents.
They can anticipate the visits without the stress of worrying about what is going to happen, and enjoy their time in a safe, comfortable environment without being put in the middle of their parents’ conflict and/or other problems.

For the visiting parent:   Parents may have ambivalent feelings or frustration in relation to supervised access. We understand that visiting with a child in the presence of another person can be uncomfortable at first. Most children and parents quickly adapt to the situation. If allegations have been made against them, they can visit without fear of any new accusations because there is someone present who can verify what happened during their time together.

It is best if the parent is able to put aside any feelings they may have towards the system or the other parent and focus on enjoying time together and their relationship with their child.

For the custodial parent:   Supervised Access arrangements are made through See Change Practice, so you don’t have any contact before, during or after the visit with a person with whom you are in conflict. In the safe atmosphere provided by See Change, you can allow your child to have contact with the other parent without worry, and have some time for yourself.

For all parties:    It is important that parents remain flexible. Remember, this is about the children and their needs. It may require some sacrifices on the part of the adults. You will probably not have any difficulties if you can truly think about it from the child’s point of view.

 When are Supervised Exchanges Appropriate?

When there is unresolved conflict between the parents, a neutral place to exchange children for visits makes access easier to arrange and reduces tension for the child. Supervised exchanges may also be appropriate when it is necessary to determine if the parent who is visiting with the child is under the influence of drugs or alcohol. In other cases, there may be a concern about the safety of the custodial parent during the exchange.

A list of recommended books for parents and children going through the difficulties of divorce and separation

Children in Changing Families (Life after parental separation)  Jayne Pryor and Bryan Rodgers – Blackwell Publishers

Happy Families (How to make one – How to keep one) Bill Lucas – BBC Active

What about the Children? (How to help children survive Separation and Divorce) Julie Lynn Evans – Bantam Press

Now What Do I Do? (A Guide to help Teenagers with their Parents’ separation or divorce)  Lynn Cassella-Kapusinski – Acta Publications

It’s not the end of the world – Judy Blume – MacMillan

The Suitcase Kid - Jacqueline Wilson – Corgi

Will Dad ever move back Home – Paula Z. Hogan – Raintree Publishers

Two Homes - Clair Masurel  -  Walker Books

Was it the Chocolate Pudding? (A story for little kids about Divorce)  Sandra Levins – Imagination Press

It’s not your fault Koko Bear – Vicki Lansky

A Dinosaurs Divorce  (A guide for changing families) Marc Brown and Laurie Krasny Brown - lb-Kids.com